boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
