Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
