explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
