I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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