I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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