I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
