Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
