my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
