My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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