she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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