So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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