Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize