Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
