We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
