So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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