you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
