So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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