Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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