your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
