Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
