Michael Bay diarrhea
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
