Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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