Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
