idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
