Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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