Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
