Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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