Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
