Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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