I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
