he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
