remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
