Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
