Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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