Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think my moral compass just broke
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