Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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