trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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