My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
