Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
