I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
