I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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