I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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