my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
