You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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