I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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