Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize