Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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