I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
