Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
