Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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