I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize