TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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