I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
