ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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