Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
