i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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