Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
