he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
