were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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