I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Someone came in the potted fern
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
