The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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