There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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