What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
