cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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