Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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