god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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