I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
